Timing
by Erin Ellis
Summary: Touya needs to get laid. No, not that Touya. not that one either! Luckily, someone's at the door. Okay, maybe not so lucky for him... No, this story doesn't violate TOS. thank god


No spoilers. Yes cursing. No continuity. Yes Sai. No point. Yes sense of humor. No more warnings . . .

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Sometimes it hurt to be second fiddle to a board game. Other times, it was almost amusing. Right now? It was just really, really annoying. Or perhaps frustrating was a better word. Yes, in fact, 'frustrating' summed it up precisely.

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**Timing**  
a _Hikago_ spamfic  
by Erin Ellis

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Touya Kouyo was a gentleman, and so when he'd wooed her it was full of shy, tender glances, shared tea times and finally, once they'd decided to marry, they'd gone as far as briefly holding hands in public. It was, she felt, a true, traditional romance, just like in olden poetry.

The only thing was, the whole point of having that poetic romance is that you know behind the delicate words and beautiful allusions is a whole lot of mind-numbing sex. For some time now, Touya Akiko had really felt a bit lacking in the mind-numbing sex department. She'd wondered for a while if Kouyo was impotent. Then she'd wondered if he was gay. She'd seriously considered just slipping various types of spanish fly into his tea, but by the time it came out in the handy prescription form of Viagra, she'd found it would interfere with his heart medicine-- she wanted to fuck him, not kill him.

Yes, she'd said 'fuck'. The time for making love had come and gone a long time ago. Actually, approximately three months, nineteen days, and thirteen hours, give or take a minute. To be honest, it was the only reason Akiko looked forward to her wedding anniversary nowadays. If not for sweet, sweet valium, she'd never make it through the days... weeks... months of frustration.

It was these times between prescription refills that destroyed her. Because all she could focus on was when the last time her husband had tried to pleasure her, he'd let her win their twenty-three moku handicap, blind game of go-- and afterwards, when she'd asked for a prize, he'd given her a kiss-- on the cheek. The _-cheek-_, for all that was good and holy. They'd been married for over fifteen years and all she got was a fricking kiss on the cheek? Kami-fucking-sama, what the hell was wrong with him? She swore loudly and fluently, a feat possibly surprising to her son Akira, had he been around to hear her. But of course, he wasn't around; his father had fricking retired and _-he-_ still wasn't around; no, no one was _-ever-_ around for her. Always abandoned, always alone, goddamn it.

She took another swig from her drink. It was sake, in a flask. It made her feel dangerous, the flask. Whiskey would've been better for the image, but they hadn't had any at the convenience store she'd gone to, and memories of a rough time choking whiskey down and a considerably easier time getting it back up in college stilled her urge to ask the store clerk if they had any in the back. Besides, he'd already been giving her an odd look, so she'd pushed up her dark glasses and adjusted the heavy trenchcoat she wore. Wouldn't do to draw attention to herself. Think of the gossip, Touya Akiko buying whisk-- er, sake? ...well, probably sake would have been all right; good and traditional, could've just said it was for the husband.

Dammit, there it was again, she couldn't avoid thinking about him. And thinking about him made her horny, which made her frustrated, which made her angry, which made her want her meds, which wouldn't be in for another two whole _-days-_, which made her need to drink. She indulged herself, rolling the slightly bitter liquid deep in her throat and wishing any number of things were there in its stead. Some part of Akiko was mystified by her bad humor; she'd remembered being a happy drunk. Of course, that was when she'd had an attentive boyfriend, or at least whoever else was drunk and impartial and around. Now she'd achieved the distant fuzziness of valium but her emotions (at least certain ones) felt distinctly sharpened; she felt now that if someone didn't fucking take her right now she was going to explode. In a bad way.

At this point, the doorbell rang. She froze. What was she supposed to do? Her hair was in disarray and clothes half-open on the off chance that Kouyo might come home and be horny (fat chance there). There was alcohol on her breath and she really didn't want to see people who weren't her husband, and depending on his current views towards Sex and Now, maybe not even him. Okay, based on his recent views, almost definitely not him. That did leave her with quite a problem. The doorbell rang again. ...Well, maybe it wouldn't hurt to go see who it was.

A boy about Akira's age with bleached blonde bangs and a flustered expression stood at the door. He shifted impatiently from foot to foot, creating interesting creases in pants that left a lot to the imagination, and hers was more than happy to rise to the challenge. Looking up as if he could tell someone was at the spyhole, he raked strong fingers through the soft, silky hair, peering with eyes as bright and clear as green apple candy. And she'd always liked sweets. Akiko opened the door.

"Geez, took you long enough to--" He blinked, taking in the woman's appearance. "Oh, Touya's mom-- Ah-- sorry, I--"

"Don't worry," she said, giving him a smile that tried very hard to stay sweet and chaste and gentle. "Come in."

"Oh-- I was just looking for Touya-- er, your son." He looked a bit embarrassed, biting a bit at his lower lip in a way that almost made her weep. She did remember this boy; his rough manners and bright eyes and pure youthful virility that seemed so lacking in the men in her family. Akiko wondered if she'd consumed enough alcohol to safely dispose of her morals.

"Come in," she repeated, smile not so gentle, and turned and entered the house so he'd have no choice but to follow. He did, and she led him to her former place on the couch, where he sat electrifyingly close. "Now, Shindou-kun, isn't it?" Funny how she had such trouble remembering the names of the stodgy old men Kouyo brought over week after week, but this one young... man... his name stuck in her mind after just one meeting. "What brings you to our humble abode?"

"Well, I was supposed to meet Touya, 'cause I really need to talk to him."

"About go?"

"Yes. No. Sort of." He squirmed a bit.

"Sort of?" She raised an eyebrow. "He's not in right now. Why don't you tell me and I'll give the message to Akira-san later? I don't mind things getting... personal." She reached forward. From straight on, if you squinted a bit, he almost looked like Kouyo. Except younger. And softer. And more expressive. And here pinned to the sofa underneath her right now. Guess there was no moral problem after all.

"Um..." His emerald eyes darted to the side, as if asking some unseen person for help.

Shindou's gaze whipped back to her somewhat glassily as she lightly ghosted a hand over his cheek. "How old are you, Shindou-kun? Not your real age, but the one you use to sneak into places and impress girls."

"I don't--" he said automatically, then "... twenty and a half."

"Ah, the same as me," the woman said conversationally. She was unbuttoning his overshirt and he wasn't really protesting; in that he'd lightly batted her hands away a few times but hadn't grabbed her or said anything. "Have you ever been with a woman, Shindou-kun?"

"Am... am I being with a woman now?" His voice cracked in a way that reminded her of her first time.

"I thought you'd never ask." Akiko leaned forward.

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While Hikaru's body seemed to know exactly what it was doing and proceeding without protest, Hikaru himself was overwhelmed and confused and generally wondering what the hell was going on.

'Sai!' he hissed mentally. 'What just happened here?'

"I think you're taking advantage of Touya's mother," Sai offered helpfully.

'I think you've got that backwards,' Hikaru returned. 'What am I supposed to do? --Geez, she's got her hands up my shirt!'

"And yours are up hers."

The teen gave a tentative squeeze, and sure enough. He made a choked sound in the back of his throat, which only seemed to encourage Touya's mom. 'Sai~' he thought frantically. 'J-just -do- something!'

Sai sniffed, crossing his arms. "As if I'd want to play with _-her-_. Until you can get some go into this, you're on your own, kid."

'Sai!' But the pretty ghost just turned, apparently intrigued by the go board in the corner.

"You... you bastard! What are you doing?"

But it hadn't been a thought, and it hadn't been his. Hikaru, Touya's mom, and Sai turned very slowly towards the voice. Standing in the doorway was a seething Touya, and behind him, the imposing and currently redfaced form of Touya Kouyo.

Were Hikaru in full control of his facilities and his throat not so dry, a stream of excuses and/or profanities would proably have passed his lips. As it was, he had to settle for another dying, choked sound in the back of his throat.

"Akira. Go to your room," the former meijin said quietly. Touya almost growled, obviously unhappy at his dismissal, but obeyed with only a slight baring of teeth at his rival. Hikaru could understand; it was hard to talk back to a guy like Touya-sensei. Hikaru deemed this a good time to remove his hands from the man's wife's shirt.

Things stayed like that for a while; Hikaru, frozen in fear; Touya's mom looking from him to her husband while making slight adjustments to her rumpled clothing; Sai watching owlishly from the go board; and the normally unruffled Touya Kouyo himself, flushing deeper and deeper. Eventually, he spoke, his voice a choked rumble. "Shindou..."

Ho-ly- shit. Shrieking like a woman, Hikaru jumped up and ran from the house, never to return.

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"Mom, I'm home!" Hikaru toed off his shoes, dropping his school bag at the door and wandering towards the kitchen to pick up a snack.

"Hi, honey, how was school?" His mother smiled as he nodded and mumbled something through a mouthful of riceball and wandered out of the room. "Oh, Hikaru, you got some mail today from a Touya somebody..."

Rice dribbled heavily to the floor. "T-Touya?" Hikaru stiffened. He'd spent the better part of two weeks avoiding anyone and anything related to the family, including staying away from that half-foreign Touya girl in the seventh grade. This was bad. "You didn't... you didn't like _-read-_ it or anything..."

"Should I have?" His mother emerged from the kitchen, eyes narrowed. "You didn't do anything, did you?"

"No! Nothing!" That was more or less the truth. Munchies forgotten, Hikaru ran to his room, hands shaking as he opened the envelope left on his desk. He carefully unfolded it; it was a letter written in beautiful, precise calligraphy.

"Ooh, ooh, what does it say?" Sai squealed.

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Shindou Hikaru-kun:

Greetings. I hope this letter finds you well. My husband and I would like to apologize for our impropriety during your last visit. We very much hope there are no hard feelings; I assure you there are none on our part. If you will pardon my candidness, my husband was quite "turned on" by seeing you and I together. I believe it was the spark our relationship needed, as since then, my husband has been very... attentive. You have my deep and sincere gratitude for saving my marriage. Please know that you are welcome in our home anytime. I'm certain that eventually Akira-san will understand.

Sincerely,

Touya Akiko

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"Wonderful!" Sai gushed. "Isn't that great? I bet we could go to Touya's house and play him all the time now!"

The teen sputtered, mouth working a bit before actually forming words. "N-no! What are you thinking? It's not great at all! Not only did I end up touching Touya's mom -- which he's so never going to forgive me for, even though it was totally an accident and her fault -- they basically invited me back for more! I _-so-_ could have lived my entire life never thinking about Touya-sensei having-- ugh, no. Ew." Hikaru grimaced, sinking heavily to the ground. "You can be sure I won't be going back to that place anytime soon, like ever."

"Oh, you aren't any fun," the pretty ghost pouted. "You know, there's nothing wrong with sex between consenting adults."

"Yeah, until I become part of it! I--"

Sai shushed him with a look, pointing to the go board. "Stop complaining. You've done a good deed, Hikaru, and people are happy." He gave a benign smile. "Now, how about a game? It'll get your mind off of things."

Hikaru sighed. The ghost had obviously put the whole thing behind him and moved on to the next game of go. Maybe that was the right thing to do? The bright side... well, at least Touya-sensei didn't want to kill him. His son did, but that was more-or-less par for the course. Hey, maybe Touya would be too busy being angry at him to concentrate on beating him! Hikaru brightened and crawled over to the go board. "All right. Come on."

"Yay!!" The ghost glomped him. They played for a bit, and eventually, Sai spoke again, tone loaded and quite un-Sai-like. "You know, the Touyas could give you a lot of good practice."

"In what, exactly?" Hikaru queried, eyes narrowed.

Sai's voice was light as air. "Go. What else?"

The teen sniffed. "Just be quiet and play."

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And so everyone was perfectly happy. Well, except for Akira. But four out of five ain't bad.

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owari.   


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notes:

+ No, I'm not certain of the reason for my obsession with people taking advantage of Hikaru. But it's fun. (try it sometime!)  
+ Touya Akiko rocks... I hope to write a more serious effort in capturing what makes her tick someday. Hope this one wasn't too disturbing. At least, not in a bad way.  
+ It was too hard (read: I was too lazy) to put this into continuity. So... don't worry about it. Think of it as a companion story to 'The Right Moves' if you like. Or don't. Whatever.  
+ AkaiSakura asked for a fanfic somewhat but not entirely unlike this one. Never say I don't entertain requests. (my accuracy in answering them on the other hand...)  
+ Oh, and it was her idea about Hikaru looking like Kouyo.. (to be honest, she said that in one of the panels in vol. 18, Kouyo looks like Hikaru. And he does.)  
+ There is an oldies song called _'Timing'_. They tick in it. It really really pisses me off. I don't know how that relates to this story, but I hate titles.  
+ _'Hikaru no Go'_ and Touya's sexually frustrated mother-tachi are copyright Shueisha & Studio Pierrot. Created by Hotta Yumi & Obata Takeshi.

  


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omake!

**The Scene That Wasn't (And Probably Should Never Be)**

Akira: Shindou, you jerk. I hate you so much.  
Hikaru: Geez, what'd I do now? --Hey, you don't look so good. Maybe you should get some more sleep.  
Akira: I _-would-_, if my parents weren't keeping me up all night!  
Hikaru: What? --oh... oh, no way...  
Akira: Yes way. They've taken to roleplaying. I have to deal with you enough while playing go; its too much for my dreams to be interrupted by screams of 'Shindou-kun'.  
Hikaru: Oh my... shit, me?!?!  
Akira: And I could even get past _-that-_ if Mother wasn't roleplaying as _-me-_...  
Hikaru: . . . That's disturbing.  
Akira: You're telling me.  
Hikaru: I mean, like you would _-ever-_ call me 'Shindou-_KUN_' in the throes of passion. You don't call me '-kun' now!  
Akira: . . . That's _-not-_ the part you're supposed to be having issues with.  
Hikaru: ...Oh yeah. Right.

  


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eme 6.jan.2003


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